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We noticed until then to be this independent, outgoing girl with an “optimistic character,” fixing problems by myself without relying on my man that I might have forced myself. Possibly I experienced been wanting to show one thing, in this culture where individuals anticipate girls become peaceful and submissive.
It’s been 2 yrs since our relationship finished. I wish I possibly could say my understanding brought me personally freedom that is complete gender norms or objectives of other people, however it didn’t. I experienced doubts about that I was keen on remaining an outgoing, independent woman whether I was good enough a girlfriend to him considering. The greater amount of we discussed our future, the greater afraid we became that I might never be their life that is perfect partner. We maintained fretting about whether i possibly could satisfy their buddies or moms and dads’ expectations of a “good girl.”
My worries are not the only reason we parted methods, nevertheless they had been truly an issue.
Dating him, yet others before that, has permitted us to see my self-contradictions and insecurities. I’m self-conscious of my freedom and womanhood. I will be filled with contradictory desires, attempting to be my very own self, whatever which may be, but additionally planning to fulfill South Korean society’s criteria on which a woman that is proper be. Most of the people we have actually met in school, at workplaces, also in the home have actually affected me personally. It dawns on me personally that my battle is not more or less fighting South Korean men’s expectations of exactly exactly how ladies need to act. We discovered for myself, too that I need to fight my own expectations.
I’m nevertheless learning on how to balance society’s needs on females and my traits that are internal. But, now i am aware we don’t need certainly to suppress my вЂgirlish’ impulses in attempting to be a woman that is independent. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I also have always been enjoying chocolate that is making my very own. We no more categorize this task as being a womanly task. It is simply a spare time activity, that’s all. We additionally notice that alleged girlish habits like aegyo and naesung aren’t the protect of females. Guys may do these things equally well as ladies.
The revelations on my component might be uncomfortable for a few Southern Koreans to keep. (they may state making chocolate is a woman’s pastime and guys never do aegyo or naesung.) But i have to thank the South Korean guys we have dated — also those people who have been therefore critical of me — for leading me personally down this course of self-discovery. And I also look ahead to fulfilling the next guy whom may help me find out more about whom i really have always been.