LGBTQ definitions every good ally should know
Millions of Americans identify as LGBTQ, and like any group, they have their own language to talk about who they are and the challenges they face in a society that doesn’t fully accept or protect them.
If you want to be an ally, these terms might help – but be aware that many have been used derogatorily by straight, white, cisgender (defined below) people, and were reclaimed over time by the LGBTQ community.
This list is by no means exhaustive, and some of these terms – because they are so personal – likely mean different things to different people. If you’re puzzled by a term and feel like you can ask someone you love in the LGBTQ community to help you make sense of it, do it. But also be careful not to put the burden of your education on other people when there’s a whole wide world of resources out there.
Let’s get started
LGBTQ: The acronym for “lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer.” Some people also use the Q to stand for “questioning,” meaning people who are figuring out their sexual orientation or gender identity. You may also see LGBT+, LGBT*, LGBTx, or LGBTQIA. I stands for intersex and A for asexual/aromantic/agender.
Speaking of intersex: Born with sex characteristics such as genitals or chromosomes that do not fit the typical definitions of male or female.
Gender: The societal constructions we assign people based on their sex characteristics. When you hear someone say “gender stereotypes,” they’re referring to the ways we expect people to act and behave based on their sex.
Queer: Originally used as a pejorative slur, queer has now become an umbrella term to describe the myriad ways people reject binary categories of gender and sexual orientation to express who they are.
Sexual orientation
Sexual orientation: How a person characterizes their sexuality. “There are three distinct components instanthookups search of sexual orientation,” said Ryan Watson, a professor of Human Development & Family Studies at the University of Connecticut. “It’s comprised of identity (I’m gay), behavior (I have sex with the same gender) and attraction (I’m sexually attracted to the same gender), and all three might not line up for all people.” (Don’t say “sexual preference,” which implies it’s a choice and easily changed.)
Gay: A sexual orientation that describes a person who is emotionally or sexually attracted to people of their own ge; commonly used to describe men.
Asexual: A person who doesn’t fit traditional standards and expectations around sexual desire. Many people in the LGBTQ community think of sexuality as a spectrum. Asexuality is just one end of spectrum with identities (gray areas) in between. Someone who is asexual may not be sexually active but still masturbate. Or they may be attracted to people but not desire sex.
People who identify as graysexual fall somewhere between asexual and sexual on the spectrum, and can include people who experience sexual attraction rarely.
Gender identity and expression
Gender identity: How you feel and express your gender, which does not need to align with the sex you were assigned at birth.
Gender role: The social behaviors that culture assigns to each sex. Examples: Girls play with dolls, boys play with trucks; women are nurturing, men are stoic.
Gender expression: How we express our gender identity. It can refer to our hair, the clothes we wear, the way we speak.
Pronouns: A word used instead of a noun often to refer to a person without using their name. Pronouns can signal a person’s gender. Some of the most commonly used pronouns are she/her, he/him and they/them.