The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
I’m an extroverted woman in a long-term relationship with an introverted man. It has mostly been easy, but some things have definitely been an adjustment – for both of us.
But before we talk about relationships, let’s think about what the words “extrovert” and “introvert” actually mean. It might surprise you to learn that they have less to do with how loud someone is and more to do with how they recharge. Check it out:
So, don’t be fooled into thinking that all introverts are shy recluses (The Myers and Briggs Foundation says otherwise) and all extroverts are outgoing and annoying. That definitely isn’t the case all of the time, although introverts do tend to be quieter than extroverts in general.
I’d actually consider myself much less outgoing than other extroverts (otherwise, I’d never survive working alone as a writer all day!), and I’d consider my boyfriend a somewhat outgoing introvert.
He’s the first introvert I’ve been in a serious, long-term relationship with. And I’m the first extrovert that he has been in a long-term relationship with. Ever.
As you can imagine, this has caused a couple of misunderstandings and communication issues. But now, after being together for 3 years, we’ve worked through most of them and have gotten used to each other’s tendencies.
If you’re dating an introverted man and struggling, or if you’re thinking about pursuing a relationship with one, here are a few things you’ll want to consider trying to make things go more smoothly:
Find a Happy Medium
So, you’ve met a great new guy (or are trying to figure out the one you already have). Awesome! But then… you find out that he doesn’t 
want to go out very often. He’d much rather stay in and read a book, watch a movie, or play some video games.
While his wants are completely understandable, you should realize that his introvertedness doesn’t mean that you should have to stay in all of the time too. Meet him in the middle, and plan weekends where you can do both.
My boyfriend and I have gotten really good at this, but we definitely struggled with it for a while. We were either going out every night for long periods of time or not going out at all for long periods of time. Now, we know to just be straightforward with one another to find out what we need. For example, if I need a night out, I tell him, and he’s more than happy to make it happen. And, if he needs a night in, I’m totally cool with staying home and doing something more low-key.
Address this issue with your guy if you’re feeling bored because you aren’t getting out enough. While he may not want to go out as much as you do (just like you don’t want to stay in as much as he does), you can work together and compromise to make each other happy based on both of your needs.
Understand That He Might Not Make a Move
My boyfriend and I met when we started playing in a band together, but it took him a while to make a move on me initially. And when he did, he seemed pretty nervous and unsure about telling me his true feelings.
While his hesitance was endearing to me, it might not have gone over so well if I didn’t understand the flirting style of introverts. You see, introverts can be super polite when they flirt… almost to a fault (if that’s even possible).
No, I’m not talking about “niceness.” Niceness is great. I’m talking about the fact that they don’t always relentlessly pursue what they want. Sometimes, they feel more comfortable holding back a bit until they feel like it’s a sure thing.